What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
