I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
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We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
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Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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