Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
