i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
