He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
