So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
