McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
