i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
