Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
