u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
