I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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