Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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