I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Me too!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
