At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
