Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
