I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
