Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
