i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
