I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
