you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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