I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
