My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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