nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Randomize
