Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I currently don't understand fingers.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
