I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
