who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
