im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
