I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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