He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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