Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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