Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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