when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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