Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
