Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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