weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
