before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
