Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
