ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
