kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As shirtless as possible
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
