Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
