The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
