you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
