I CAN MOONWALK!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
no you cant smoke seaweed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
