we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
