Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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