i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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