Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
