Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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