i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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