my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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