Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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