I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
