He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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