Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
