she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
