I heard we made out
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
