I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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