I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My penis needs a shock collar
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
