so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
