do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
