i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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