My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
