end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
