If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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