the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's never too late to be topless.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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