You made me cry and you don't even care
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
