Don't make out with my wife yet
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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