Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
