Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
