Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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