That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
