Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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