just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
