Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
