Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
