Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
