yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
