Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There r osticjed everywhere
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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