this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
