My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
