we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
