Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The best revenge is premature balding
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
