I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
