sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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