I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you inspire me to be a worse person
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
