I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
