Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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