Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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